She cried again last night. As usual I had nothing to say but pat her to sleep. Almost two and a half years of continued weeping at night. Shouldering the burden of soothing a 7-year-old, what wisdom does a 10-year-old have to bring it to a stop. Lying next to me, sharing a single bed “Akka, where is mommy?”, the same question asked repeatedly, drowned only by the whir of the fan keeping us cool on sweltering summer nights. Looking at her this morning, you would never know the existence of her nightly griefs. Grandma held her hand whilst we both waited for our 6 a.m. school bus. Her short curly hair, dark blue primary pinafore, white shoes, slouching under the weight of her school bag pregnant with heavy textbooks, she looks so ordinary. Or maybe not, we both were unusually skinny and scrawny. Something we have constantly been made fun of at school; a few more years later down the line when we both approached puberty the bullying is only made worse for being flat ches...
To do, or not to do! that is the question! :-)
ReplyDeleteSometimes procrastination could be just a manifestation of the death instinct (Thanatos). Don't you think so?
A blip of death.'To do or not to do' in itself is counter-intuitive isn't it?; It is by all means a momentary 'not to do' decision/action.
ReplyDeleteAnd suicide, they say, is a momentary 'to-do' decision.
ReplyDelete